Stay Far Away From Doctors!
September 30, 2007 10:29 AM
This past Tuesday, th 25th, I was jus yer regular
ol galoot, in general good health, and not much to concern myself
with. But about a month ago, with about 500,000 miles on th system,
y'know, in other words, havin been around th block more than a few
times, I thought mebbe I oughta take myself in fer a check up. Jus
to make sure I didn't need any maintenance.
So, my appointment was on Wednesday, th 26th. Sheeit ese, that was
a mistake! I shoulda stayed home.
Now, I'm gobblin down a dozen pills a day. Thyroid, arthritis, emphysema,
poor circulation, high cholesterol, sheeit I don't know what-all.
Last week, I was perfectly fine, y'dig, but after jus one visit to
th doctor, this week I'm a broken down wreck. Like I said, I shoulda
So, boyz and gurlz, unless ya've jus been hit by a truck or somthin,
my advice to you would be to jus avoid yer doctor like th IRS. Remember,
No News Is Good News.
Re: different pharmacy prices
September 30, 2007 10:21 AM
Aw'right ya'll, if ya gotta pay fer yer meds outta
yer own pocket; before ya buy em any place else, ya need to check
out th prices at price-chopper's pharmacy.
I had to get some more meds today. so far it works out like this.
If ya notice thas 48 bucks difference from CVS. a substantial amount.
My bud, vinnie tells me ya can get em even cheaper by usin yer Canadian
dealer. i'm lookin into that. but if ya don't wanna go that route,
it looks like price-chopper is yer best bet, at least around here.
broken down and collapsin in KC, (jus joshin)
: Consumer Alert: It Pays To Shop Around, Heed Th Word Peoples
September 29, 2007 6:03 AM
Fer all ya'll out there, who like myself, don't have
any kind of health care; th next time you need a prescription filled,
I suggest ya check around, before ya go to wherever ya normally do
fer these kinda transactions. Looky here Duke, when ya gotta drag
that jack outta yer own pocket, instead of yer health care provider
payin th tab, it can make a big difference and is worth th effort.
Like, I recently needed a script filled. My doc, knowin my situation,
suggested I check with th pharmacy at Wal-Mart or Price Chopper fer
a good price. There are no Wal-Marts any where near me and altho there's
a Price Chopper only about three miles from where I live, I didn't
feel like drivin there. So, instead I went to a CVS pharmacy about
a block from my crib.
Fortunately fer me, after havin already given th doc 145 bucks cash
fer my visit with him, I didn't have th 127 bucks on me fer th pills.
So I went home to get some more jack, but I figured as long as I was
there I might as well call Price Chopper, jus fer th helluva it, to
see what they charged.
Well sheeeit ese, they only charged 87 bucks fer th same fookin pills!
If ya don't have yer calculator handy, thas a savings of 40 dollars!!
So, even tho I hadda spend an extra 20 minutes drivin time, fer 40
dollars that was well worthwhile, eh?
Now, I understand different places gonna charge their own prices fer
th same thing, BUT, I had no idea th difference would be so big......127
dollars vs 87 dollars!
OK, so jus keep that difference in mind before ya shell out yer money
some place jus cuz thas where ya always go. Ya might be surprised,
and ya can check those prices over th phone too. And here's somthin
else to keep in mind; with yer savings, ya can then pick up some extra
'product' from yer regular dope-slinger down on th corner.
Cap'm Hoohah, (Champion of th Consumer, Defender of th Oppressed,
Lion of Judea, etc, etc, and so on and so forth)
Th On-going, Continuing, Never Ending, Eternal Quest For Fame
September 24, 2007 3:42 PM
Wow, th week has jus begun and already I have read
in today's paper where 1800 people turned out in North Olmstead, Ohio
in an attempt to set a new world's record for the largest harmonica
play along. Th tune everyone played was "Frere Jacques".
I'm not prejudiced or anything, but that sounds kinda "froggy"
to me. Sheeeit ese, isn't there some kinda Amerkan music they coulda
played, like, whut about, "Home, home on the range", fr'instance?
How fuckin exciting can a Monday get, huh? I told ya that ya can't
get thru a week without hearin about guinness's book of world records
and some one's efforts to get in there. They shoulda called out th
Ohio National Guard and surrounded that place and rounded up those
mooks and put every single one of those fookin loony-tunes in a Re-Education
Center of some sort.
But ya know whut reely pissed me off about that story, is that it
didn't say whether they were successful or not! Whut kinda shit is
that? They taunt us and tease us with this inspirin story, but then,
we don't know whether to go out and get drunk and celebrate; or whether
to go out and get drunk and depressed?
OK, then, in today's paper we also get this hot news item.
"Icky deaths, Part One"
A story about an 18 year old who fell in a vat of sulfuric acid.
"Icky deaths, Part Two"
A story about a guy who ripped th head off a tame duck in a hotel
Aren't those clever, catchy headlines? Our Kansas City Star
gets more and more like a tabloid every day. It pisses me off to pay
my money fer a paper and then read utter crap like this! Yeah, yeah,
I know, Love it or Leave it!
re: chiefs win
September 24, 2007 1:27 AM
Oh fuck, i gave em too much credit. i said 3 field
goals and a touchdown, but it seems there were only 2. 13-10 i believe
th score was. an exciting victory.
Herm Edwards; Football Coach And Word Innovator
September 23, 2007 4:50 PM
Well, our fucking Chiefs barely, but finally, win
a game in true, typical Herm Edwards style. Whoopie! Three field goals
and a touchdown got Herm creamin in his pants. Watchin a football
game Herm Edwards is involved in is about as exciting as counting
th cracks in yer ceiling.
See, here's th thing; I don't like Herm. I don't like his football
philosophy. I don't like his personal philosophy. I don't like his
looks. I don't like th way he speaks. I don't like anything about
him. Did'ja know that players on Herm's teams are fined for usin what
he calls "bad language", like they're a bunch of fuckin
eleven-year-old kids or somthin.
Last year Herm told an anecdote on himself about when he was aguest
on th sports program called The Best Damned Sports Show and
he had to introduce th show and had to say th title. giggle giggle
titter titter. Oh my gosh, he had to say, "damned". hehe.
He was, like, soooooo embarrassed. Well, can't ya jus imagine! Havin
to say a naughty word like that. Out loud. And on th TeeVee too. Isn't
that jus th cutest story ya've ever heard from an NFL head coach!?
But oh, hey, never mind those petty criticisms I have of Herm Edwards,
football coach, I wanna give Herm credit fer introducin a new word
into th English language. When I first heard him utter it in a post-game
interview, I thought he mighta jus stumbled over th word. But then
he said it again. Hmmm, I thought,
"Mebbe Herm is jus so flush and excited in his victory, he's
unable to speak and enunciate clearly."
But then in his next interview a few minutes later with Len Dawson,
he said it again twice more, so I guess he said whut he meant to say.
It seems he's makin a concerted effort to get peoples accustomed to
He said, and I'm paraphrasing here somewhat,
"Yeah, they were flustrated."
Then a second later,
"No question about it some of th guys were obviously flustrated
out there, and it showed."
Whut we have heah, boyz and gurlz, is an attempt to communicate by
combining two words into one. flustered + frustrated = "flustrated".
See whut I mean!
OK so, th next time ya insert that word into a conversation, and some
nit-pickin bastard calls ya to task on it, refer em to th Herm Edwards
Chiefs/Vikings post game interviews of 9/23/07. If Saint Herm can
say it, then..........need I say more?
P.S. I also noticed that Herm observes some guys are good football
players. This is pretty much his standard, stock answer to any question
bout any body. as in, "He's a good football player." Or
later as in, "He's a really good football player." Or he
might say, "Yeah, no question about it, he's a good football
player." Or, "Th reason we drafted him is cuz he's a good
football player." Or, "Th reason he did so well against
us is cuz he's a good football player." Thas th whole secret
to success in that game of football: be a good football player. If
ya don't believe me, ask Herm Edwards!
Th Cap'm Observes
September 21, 2007 5:02 PM
I watched a show on cable last nite about tattoos.
Th narrator said this,
"Today, approximately 12 million Amerkans have one or more tattoos".
Not more than two minutes later he said this,
"It is estimated that one out of ten Amerkans have one or more
As I thought about these two stats there, somethin jus didn't seem
"Hmmmm, I dunno. There's somthin amiss here. I don't quite know
whut it is, but I got a gut feelin about it that; either one, or more
of these stats are wrong. Whadda'ya think?"
Oh yeah, by th way, on a completely unrelated subject, I think, tho
no one will long remember, or care naught, fer that matter, but still,
has th ugliest chin I ever seen.
Next time ya see a pic of her, check it out. It would make yer average
witch green with envy. Hey! Ya know I wouldn't smoke ya bout somthin
As It Was, So It Still Is
September 21, 2007 4:35 PM
Regurgitation from th past. OK, ya'll, th below is
a response I wrote to some folks who criticized me fer some anti/bush-anti/war
war comments I had written earlier.
February 14, 2003
Subject: Some flak....to which I say, "Ho hum."
Well, it seems that there are those who think I should be unceremoniously
dragged out of my crib and hoisted by my neck right in my own front
yard for my lack of Patriotism and Disrespect to o "Our Leader".
It seems like we're back in that time of Vietnam where if you disagree
with the government's position, you are vilified and painted as “un-patriotic.”
You must fall into line. No talking. Big Brother has got his eyes
and ears on you.
"Our country, Right or Wrong!",
"America...love it or leave it!"
No dissension allowed. This is a nation where Big Business and The
State merge to form an alliance of Belligerent Nationalism. There
is a word for it...it's called “Fascism,” not Democracy!!
George Bush is gonna do what he thinks is Right for the world. It
really matters not what the world thinks; what do they know?!
And as he noted, protesters are, after all, "irrelevant.”
So, it still never fails to amaze me the hypocrisy of those “Patriots”
who tout the Freedoms and Liberties we enjoy in this, THE GREATEST
NATION IN THE HISTORY OF TH WORLD, ie, Freedom of Speech, fr'instance....that
is, until you say something they don't like....then, all of a sudden,
it's like...... forget about that freedom of speech thing, it's...
"Somebody get a rope and let's string this steenking, ungrateful,
mouthy bastard up!!"
God bless You and God bless Amerika
In Quest of a World Record
September 19, 2007 7:56 PM
Speakin of mind numbin repetition and over-kill,
ya remember how a week ago I was talkin about how annoyin I find th
guinness book of world records. Well, truth be told, I guess I was
mebbe rantin and ravin about it, y'know, cuz thas jus th way I'm wired.
But anyways, I was carryin on about how ya couldn't even go one fuckin
week without hearin about some new bullshit record bein set?
Like, last week, it was how many surfers could catch th same wave
simultaneously, and then there was th controversy over th biggest
sand castle. And then there was th hugging record. Th huggin record,
fr'chrissake! Gimme a break, would'ja! Th sheer stupidity of it all
jus blows me away.
Ok, fer this week we got th biggest bowl of soup record. Yep, Venezuelan
officials claimed a world record on Saturday fer makin th largest
pot of stew, dwarfin th current record held by Mexico.
Aw'right, whut I wanna know is; since we seem to be so fookin obsessed
with guinness book of world records, why in th fuck-all have we allowed
these two third-world countries to get this record in th first place,
eh? Are we not th only Superpower in th world?
Surely we have th resources to make a bigger bowl of soup than fuckin
Venezuela don't we? Or, is it that we simply lack th will, th backbone
if ya will, as a Nation to do whut is necessary? Ya would think we
could put bi-partisan politics aside fer a moment and work together
to achieve a common goal, wouldn't ya? But noooooo...
It's bad enuff th prestige we have lost in Iraq. It's bad enuff we
are losin th War on Terror, th War on Drugs, th War on Poverty, sheeit,
we're even losin th War on Obesity, fr'chrssake! Thas right, we are
becomin more rotund every day, but are ya tellin me we can't even
win th War of th Soup Bowl too?
Sheeit ese, it's things like this that actually make me question sometimes
whether we are in fact, th GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE HISTORY OF THE
WORLD!! or not? Do ya think th Romans woulda allowed th Venezuelans
to do that to them? I don't think so Duke!!!
"Countdown" with Keith Olberman
September 19, 2007 1:40 PM
Ya ever watch this cable news show? Channel 56. I
love it, specially when Olberman goes into one of his anti-Bush, anti-war
tirades. He gets me so riled and pumped up I get to leapin up off
th sofa pumpin my fist in th air and screamin,
"Right on bro! Give it to him Keith. Let him have it."
But, there's one thing I don't like about it, and it pisses me off,
is that every single day, when talkin about Iraq, they show a 20-second
clip of about 8-9 GIs walkin down a street, then it shows one of em
at a corner pointin his rifle down th street, he moves and th next
trooper takes that position momentarily, then a third one covers th
A lotta days, they may show this clip twice, or even three times.
In any event you will see this every single day. So th question is;
don't they have any other footage, at all, of Iraq in their archives,
anywhere, they could show us, jus fer th sake of variety? Well, as
a matter of fact, they do have two others. And thas it.
Three clips fer all Iraqi war coverage. No matter what th story is;
if it's about Iraq, they're gonna show those same three clips over
and over again, and then they'll show em a couple more times.
It's like when ya see a story about th pharmaceutical industry, while
th talkin head babbles, they always show a shot of some pills being
scraped off a tray with one of those butterknife-like things. It's
th standard de riguer shot for drug related stories. If ur gonna to
do a story about pharmaceutical drugs; ya must show that clip!
So, whas th deal with this Iraq footage? Why do we have to look at
that same footage over and over again, every single fucking day? Huh?
Surely they have more than three 20-second clips of Iraq in their
archives don't they? Is that too much to ask? Are they limited by
budgetary reasons, or what? I mean, whas th deal with that? I get
so damned tired of it sometimes I'd jus as soon switch to Fox News.
I didn't really say that did I? Whut th hell is th matter with me!
I didn't mean it. Really! I was jus stressed out and I 'snapped'.
Thas all. It was jus a brief moment of temporary insanity, aw'right!
Ya know I wouldn't do that, don't ya! I mean, unless I was totally
wigged out on some powerful mind numbing drugs.
P.S.There's another good argument boyz and gurlz to stay away from
drugs; sometimes they cloud yer mind to th point, where before ya
realize it, yer sittin there on th sofa in a drug induced stupor an
yer watchin Bill O'Reilly. Ya jus remember that th next time one of
yer peers sez,
"Go ahead dude, jus take one puff. It'll make ya feel like yer
on cloud 9."
Stay away from th drugs, OK, cuz that could happen to you! Just say
Hmmmm. A Question.
September 17, 2007 12:40 AM
Last nite, a gurl asked me why I dressed like a pimp?
Some what taken aback, I told her,
"Prolly fer th same reason you dress like a hooker."
She was insulted. She told her boyfriend. We had words. I told him
she shouldn'na dropped outta Charm School cuz mebbe then she mighta
learned some manners.
Outta her hearin, he told me she was a bit drunk, and when she got
that way, she could get a bit mouthy. I said, "Thas cool."
But, I told im if he was gonna take up fer his little smart-assed
twat of a gurlfriend every time she insulted some total stranger,
than he mebbe ought take up some martial arts or somethin, cus she
was gonna keep im real busy.
I could tell this wasn't th first time he'd been called on to defend
her honor, and I could tell he wasn't real gung-ho bout it either.
He took her by th arm and they left.
What'sa matter with young peoples today anyway? Sheeese! A lot of
em jus got no respect fer their elders at all. Now, when I was a young
Speaking Of Peoples Who Have Their Heads Up Their Ass!!
September 16, 2007 11:50 PM
Damn it all to hell. I jus realised that I translated
Cinco de Mayo as June 5th! And not jus once, but Twice!!! Oh curses,
there goes my credibility. Once again! Shot to shit by my own damn
Sheeit. I hate it when I do that. Estupido! Muy estupido! And th reely
bad thing is, I did th very same thing last year! What happened to
that thing about learning from yer mistakes? It's no wonder is it
that some locos think Cinco de Mayo is Mexican Independence Day when
other cretins think Cinco de Mayo is June 5th?!
Well, sheeeit ese, I don't speak Esapañol. But, at least I
got th number right.
Cinco means "five"! Doesn't it?!
September 16, 1810, Mexican Independence Day
September 16, 2007 7:39 PM
Dammit, I feel so bad about not remindin ya'll of
this most important of days, so ya could properly celebrate, cuz I
know ya count on me fer these kinda reminders. I was sittin in th
saloon, downin my cervasa when suddenly, it struck me, I had let it
slip by without notice. Curses!
And then, earlier this morning, upon arrivin back at th crib, I tried
to hip ya to it but was unable at that time to figure out which one
of th two keyboards to try and type on and I hate to type with one
I do want to remind ya'll, once again tho, that SEPTEMBER 16th, 1810,
and not Cinco de Mayo, 1862, (June 5th) is Mexican Independence Day.
If some one, and there are a lot of these loco loonys around, tries
to tell ya that it's June 5th, tell em to pull their heads outta their
ass and shut th fuck up, cus they don't know what th hell they're
talkin about. See, on Cinco de Mayo, 1862, a Mexican army defeated
a larger French army at th village of Puebla. Tho a stunning victory
fer our peoples, it had nothing to do with Mexican Independence, any
more than, say, th battle of Gettysburg has to do with Amerikan Independence.
Not related, y'see.
OK then amigos, it's not too late, let's let it rip, if some what
belatedly; grab yer tequila and shout after me,
VIVA MEHICO! VIVA LA REVOLUCION! VIVA ZAPATA! and in th words of th
great Mexican revolutionary, Elvis Espinosa, VIVA LAS VEGAS!
and toss one back! (don't ferget th lemon and salt)
Mr. Bush, TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!!
FINALLY! Some Good News From Iraq.
September 13, 2007 4:39 AM
Evidently Pres. Bush's troop increase in Iraq has
worked. I hope you will excuse me from not referrin to it as "th
Surge", cuz I refuse to do that. Fuck a bunch of "surgin".
It was an increase in troop levels. Pure and simple!
But, whatever ya wanna call it....as a matter of fact, it has been
proven to be so successful that if, and this is only IF, but if things
continue to improve in th next six months or so, we will be able to
actually withdraw enuff troops to put us back at th same troop level
that existed before we increased th troop levels.
I'm sorry, but am I confusing ya here? Yeah, see, here's how it works.....
ya increase troop levels...... OK....then, ya withdraw troops back
to th level where they were before ya increased em, and then ya can
point to progress bein made, cuz now yer able to bring some of th
boys home, thus silencin yer critics who want ya to bring at least
some of th troops back home. I know, it gets kinda tricky, but believe
me, they know whut they're doin!
Ya kinda have to make yer mind do some strange things, to see how
this is progress, where, a year later; that is, assumin things go
well, ya still got th same number of guys there ya had th year before.
But don't be an un-patriotic fookin nit-picker, OK?! Jus go with th
program, and don't go lookin fer little minor flaws, aw'right! Jeeeze,
fookin cynical bastards!
Old Babble From Th Distant Past
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 3:01 PM
I wrote this back in March, '03. Ya remember those
Subject: Getting in step and toeing the line
A few days ago I rented the old WW11 war movie, The Flying Leathernecks
from the library, starring John Wayne, in the hope that I might
get some inspiration there, y'know, hoping that I might get more “in
synch” (some young peoples here might wonder why I'm referring
to a pop rock group) with the "martial" atmosphere currently
prevailing. I tried to get, The Sands of Iwo Jima too, also
starring John Wayne, but it was checked out by, no doubt, some other
When I was about 9 and 10, both these movies, and many others of their
nature, made me want to go out and kill some Japs, even though we
had already won,
and the war had been over for several years.
All I gotta do now is make a small mental adjustment from “dirty
yellow jap bastards” to “raghead Iraqi bastards”
and I'll be OK. I have been trying to pepper my conversation with
military jingo lingo expressions like, "ROGER" and "WILCO"
and, "bomb them back into the stone age". y'know, stuff
like that, so that those around me will recognize a fellow Patriot,
and won't mistake me for some anti-war, un-patriotic, lilly-liverd,
chickenshit, asshole dissident bastard who deserves an ass-whupping!
So far it's working, but one has to be careful and not slip up cuz,
otherwise, well, some of yer freedom loving Patriots can get downright
nasty in their enthusiams.
this is yer cap't speaking,
OVER AND OUT!!
What Are We Now?
September 11, 2007 2:38 PM
"harmony and understanding,
sympathy and trust abouding."
Ha ha. Yeah, right!
This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius
Age of Aquarius
Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the mind's true liberation
Aquarius! Aquarius! Hmmmm. Well, as world as events seem to indicate,
I believe it's safe to assume that Aquarius is officially over, eh!?
So what is this? The Golden Age? Nah, I don't think so! Any one got
any lyrics to characterize this Age? I lost track some where; what
Age are we even in now?
A Classic Example Of Rum-Speak
September 9, 2007 7:50 PM
This is good. I wrote this back in '02. This was
our Secretary of Defense for 5 years! Th sad thing is, even with this
screwball gone, th nightmare continues, unabated, full stay-th-course
I think you might like this. I certainly did!! This is an excerpt
from a speech Defense Sec. Rumsfeld gave in Europe last week. The
issue was 'Terrorism'. and I quote.
"The message is that there are no knowns",
Rumsfeld told reporters. He went on to say,
"There are things that we know that we know. There are known
unknowns; that is to say there are things we now know we don't know.
But there are also unknown unknowns------things we do not know we
don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information
together, and we then say, 'Well, that's basically what we see as
the situation', that is really only the known unknowns and the known
knowns. and each year we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns."
and then just to make sure there was no confusion he summed it up
"There is another way to phrase that, and that is that the absence
of evidence, is not evidence of absence."
Whew, did you get that? I'm sure glad he clarified that cuz I gotta
confess, I was just a bit perplexed myself. I know it sounds a bit
confusing, but I made great efforts to copy it word for word. But
it sounds as though "Donald" and "the Leader"
took the same public speaking course, you know, the one taught by
the Master himself, Mr. Dan Quale.
It's reassuring to know that we're in good hands, isn't it? With minds
like this running the show; what could possibly go wrong?
P.S. I'm tellin ya, I did not, nor would not, nor could not.... have
made this up. (a little OJ flavor there)
Those Dumb, Ungrateful, Cowardly French Bastards
September 9, 2007 3:36 AM
Do ya'll recall, during th months prior to th invasion
of Iraq, how every late nite comedian was havin a ball at th Frenchie's
expense. Yeah, th "frogs" told us they weren't ready to
go to war jus yet, until it was proven conclusively that the Iraqis
actually had Weapons of Mass Destruction. They weren't convinced that
they had em.They counseled Patience. They said,
"Ya'll go on ahead, y'heah. We're gonna jus hang fer a while.
Let us know how that goes, OK?!"
And so they sat on th sidelines and laid back and popped open another
bottle of wine and had a BigMac with fries and mayonnaise.
We of course didn't like their non-cooperative, hang-back attitude
one bit and th backlash was strong. I mean, dammit, we're th Leaders
of th Free World.
Whut's up with this shit? We're The Superpower. Every one else is
supposed to join us in lockstep if we tell em to. And here were these
French bastards refusin to ante up. Every nite there were new jokes
about th chicken-shit nature of th French peoples, and how, since
they had rejected us, we really didn't need em anyway. Like th joke,
which pretty much typified our reaction to their rejection,
"Going to war without th French is like going hunting without
Nyah, nyah, nyah, so there!! We didn't reely want ya any ways!!!!
Th anti-French hysteria got really ridiculous. Th congressional cafeteria
went so far as to change the name "French fries" on their
menu to, "Freedom fries" which I thought unbelievably ludicrous!!
"Freedom fries"! It woulda been funny if it wasn't so fuckin
pathetic, petty and childish! And this bit of utter stupidity from
our country's leaders; our lawmakers! On th other hand, when ya consider
th fuckin morons and imbeciles we put in there year after year, I
guess that shouldn't be so surprisin after all, eh?!
OK, so now, here we are, 09-07, some four years, 3,300 + American
dead, scores of thousands wounded, 500 BILLION dollars later, and
still countin, and we don't hear any more Froggie jokes? What happened?
We don't hear nightly what a bunch of pansies they are any more? Hmmmm.
If we had it to do all over again, if we could go back 4 1/2 years,
don'cha think about 9 outta 10 Amerikans would say,
"Y'know whut, much as I hate to admit it, I think th French might
be right on this one! Let's stop and think about this fer a while
longer before we invade that Muslim country on George Bush's insistence
and earn th enmity of, not only th Muslims of th world, but th rest
of th world too!"
But noooooo........we went along with Bush and company. And look where
it got us! No one talks about th WMD's any more. Apparently we went
to war there to bring Democracy to a bunch of peoples who couldn't
care less about fuckin Democracy! Ignernt fucks! All they wanna do
it seems is get down on their knees 5 times a day and worship their
Deity. They don't seem to feel th need fer McD's and Big Whoppers
and Starbucks and Wal-marts and all th other perks that come along
with Democracy. Obviously their priorities are waay fucked up, eh!!!
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
September 8, 2007 12:20 PM
Here's a little somthin fer HST fans and fer those
others of ya that enjoy th thrill of gettin inta th wind. A small
excerpt from Hunter's first book, Th Hell's Angels from 1966.
Hunter rode with th Angels (with their permisson of course) fer about
a year to get his material fer this book. Altho he rode with em, he
was not a made member or even an associate, but mainly an observer.
They eventually had a fallin out which resulted in Hunter gettin a
Hell's Angel ass stompin. He survived and went on.
MY BUDDY HUNTER
"My first crash had wrecked the bike completely and it took several
months to have it rebuilt. After that I decided to ride it differently:
I would stop pushing my luck on curves, always wear a helmet and try
to keep within range of the nearest speed limit....my insurance had
already been canceled and my driver's license was hanging by a tread.
So it was always at night, like a werewolf, that I would take the
thing out for an honest run down the coast. I was thinking only to
run a few long curves to clear my head.... but in a matter of minutes
I'd be out at the beach with the sound of the engine in my ears, the
surf booming up on the sea wall and a fine empty road stretching all
There was no helmet on those nights, no speed limit, and no cooling
it down on curves. Then into first gear, forgetting the cars and letting
the beast wind out..... thirty-five, forty-five.... Then into second
and wailing through the lights, no worries about green or red signals,
but only some other werewolf loony who might be pulling out, too slowly,
to start his own run. Not many of these... and with three lanes on
a wide curve, a bike coming hard has plenty of room to get around
almost anything.....then into third, the boomer gear, pushing seventy-five
and the beginning of a windscream in the ears, a pressure on the eyeballs
like diving into water off a high board. Indeed..... so the lever
goes up into fourth, and now there's no sound except wind. Screw it
all the way over, reach through the handlebars to raise the headlight
beam, the needle leans down on a hundred, and windburned eyeballs
strain to see down the centerline, trying to provide a margin for
the reflexes. But with the throttle screwed on there is only the barest
margin, and no room at all for mistakes. It has to be done right...
and that's when the strange music starts, when you stretch your luck
so far that Fear becomes exhilaration and vibrates along your arms.
You can barely see at a hundred; the tears blow back so fast that
they vaporize before they get to your ears. The only sounds are wind
and the dull roar floating back from the mufflers. The EDGE... there
is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really
know where it is are the ones who have gone over. The others---- the
living----- are those who pushed their control as far as they felt
they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did
whatever they had to when it came time to chose between NOW and LATER.
But the EDGE is still out there."
HUNTER THOMPSON - 1966
Kinda makes ya wanta get astraddle and get it on, huh! Remember what
Hunter said ya'll, "th EDGE is still out there!!"
Somthin To Do On A Long, Lazy Afternoon
September 8, 2007 11:23 AM
Hey ya'll fer those of ya out there who like to read
stuff, other than, say, oh, Reader's Digest, or USA Today,
fr'instance, I recommend ya pick up a book by Tristan Egolf called
Lord Of The Barnyard. Besides th fact it's an excellent book,
when ya come across an author with a name like Tristan Egolf, ya gotta
check im out, eh?! When ya throw a name out like that at yer next
book club session, watch those who are on th verge of slumber pick
up their heads in interest.
Th central character there, one John Kaltenbrunner, is like no other
"rebel" ya may have encountered before in yer readings.
He's a one-of-a-kind kinda dude.
Th manuscript was originally rejected by some seventy publishers before
a French outfit took it on, much to our benefit. So th next time ya
hear some one beratin th froggies ya might tell em,
"Yeah, but at least they had th sense to stay outta Iraq and
also to recognize th genius of Tristan Egolf!"
And to pique th interest a bit more, said genius, like John Kennedy
O'Toole, who gave us, The Confederacy Of Dunces, also committed
suicide at a young age before he could astound us further.
Check it out!
It Was A Dark And Stormy Night
September 8, 2007 3:44 AM
No, but really, it was! Thursday nite, drivin home
around 3 ish from yer Fred P. Otts in th Plazah, it was rainin full
tilt boogie! It was comin down sideways Duke, I'm tellin ya. Y'know,
with th lightening and thunder and wind and all that storm stuff.
It was hard to jus see th road.
But thru all th commotion I was able to discern that th in-ground
sprinklers were on in th grassy areas surroundin th tennis courts.
What th fu.....?
Now, it always amuses me when I see a similar situation in some one's
front yard when it's already rainin *like snakes and snails. I always
wanna knock on their door jus so I can see what kinda fookin idiots
they are? But it doesn't seem quite so funny when, I'm watchin th
sprinklers on in th middle of a righteous thunderstorm, and as a taxpayer,
I'm kickin in fer part of th lug on that. Whas with that? Don't those
guys have anybody there to turn th faucet off?
*did'ja notice th asterisk up there? This is part of my ongoin effort
to replace th ol cliche, "rainin like cats and dogs" with
a new cliche of my own making. Try it on yer friends in th next appropriate
situation in lieu of th old, tired, worn out model. Notice th look
of confusion, at first, followed quickly by comprehension as they
"Sure man. Rainin like a mutherfucker out there! Rainin snakes
and snails! Yeah, I dig whut yer sayin! Jus never heard it put quite
like that before!"
re: phone call joke
September 1, 2007 9:19 PM
My friend ms pat replied to me.
"Charley, you darlin' MCP you, some things never change!"
to which i replied,
"but... but... but, i protest. i sent that as an indictment of
an MCP, not as one
who endorses such shallow behavior myself dear pat. oh woe, I am so
Hmmmm, I wonder what other misperceptions I may have fostered over
th years thru my babblings?
Y'know? Like, I love bicyclists, and joggers and pedestrians, and
I think peoples who talk on their cell phones while driving are so
cute, and I think we should build a wall around th entire United States
60 feet high to keep th illegal aliens out, and I think Geo. Bush
and Dick Cheney are both swell guys and it's just a matter of time
before we find those WMD's in Iraq, which is why we had to invade
their asses in th first place, and I pray for all th Craigs, and Foleys,
and Vitters out there, and their fellow neo-con Republicans, who are
standing tall and fighting every day for good family values and Decency,
and I think every citizen should carry at least two fully automatic
weapons at all times and I think we will have to let History decide
whether Bush or Nixon was our finest hour and I think this is THE
GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!
Y'know, and there's lotsa other stuff too that I don't have time to
get into, but haven't I made myself clear on all this ya'll?
Duke DA Gets Jail Term
September 1, 2007 5:47 PM
Friday I was tickled and delighted to read this headline
on my home page,
"Duke DA Given Jail Term"
I always enjoy readin where some sanctimonious, self-righteous ass-hole
gets his come-uppance, whether it's a family-values prick gettin caught
up in th same kinda shit he's been railing against, or whether it’s
a district attorney tryin to make political hay fer himself. So I
read that and chuckled over it. Th asshole deserved it.
My laffs were cut short tho when I clicked on to th article further
and discovered that this "jail term" was, in fact, ONE Fuckin
Day!! Can ya believe that? Whew brother, that sent a shock wave I'll
bet thru DA's offices all over th country!
Considerin th possible consequences they might face, they gonna waay
reluctant to try and railroad innocent victims fer their own political
gain, knowin if it backfires, they might get hit with 24 hours in
th slammer. Thas gonna keep em on their toes, eh.
Apparently when a DA withholds evidence that could exonerate peoples,
it doesn't matter, cuz he can continue to try and wreck their lives,
knowin full well they're innocent, cus he's comin up fer re-election
and a conviction will look real good fer him. And when caught fer
this transgression, he's given a day in jail!
Oh man, Paris must be burnin!
Th Star Continues It's Slide Downhill Into Oblivion And Irrelevance
September 1, 2007 5:10 PM
About three weeks ago I wrote about th pathetic state
th Star has devolved to. Friday's front page was another good
illustration of that decline.
There was a large photo, in color of course, of a bunch of kids cheering
wildly as their high school football team took to th field in th first
game of th season. In th story under th photo were quotes from a freshman
football player from Lawson High School,
"It was tough to concentrate in school today. All day it's been
really exciting. It's going to be a good year."
And then this, from a sophomore cheerleader at Smithville High School,
"It's always exciting to see how the team is going to be at the
first game. We are all excited. We had a pep rally and everyone got
As ya may have noticed there's a lotta excitement in th air. Right
on! It's High School Football Time!!
This is all well and good, but it's on th front page of th newspaper
Thas where they used to print stuff about, like, y'know, what was
going on in th country and th world. Now, we get high school twaddle!
Not that there's anything particularly wrong with high school twaddle,
y'dig, cuz high school bein high school, whadda ya expect? But sheeit,
do they have to put it on th front page? Don't they have a teen section
in th paper now? Or a Local section? Or some kinda section fer crap
Sheeit! I mean, I don't take th fookin paper to read about high school
twaddle on th front page. Do ya think real newspapers, like, th New
York Times or th Washington Post, fr'instance, print
stories on th front page about th high school football season accompanied
by a big color photo of teenagers cheerin their football team on?
I kinda fuckin doubt it!!!
Yeah, I know, I know, th Star is tryin to attract a younger demographic,
and they don't want me or my ilk any more. It's like, "Step off
Geezer! Ther's some new kids in town!"
It's a sad state of affairs I'm tellin ya.
No jive Duke, th only fuckin savin grace of yesterday's entire paper
was this headline on page 10,
NEW VIEW OF URANUS PROVIDES SURPRISES
Ha ha. Other than that, ya coulda saved yer 50 cent! Ya gotta give
somebody props fer that headline. And not surprisingly, that story
came from where?
Yep, th San Francisco Chronicle! lol
the phone call
September 1, 2007 10:36 AM
Y'know, i don't usually pass along jokes, but this
one greatly amused me. behind th humor, there's somthin there that
rings true about men's attitudes. check it out.
This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend
who called out-of-the-blue to see if I was still around.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we
use to have together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd
be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old
"Wow!" I was flabbergasted.
"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said,
"I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last
saw me. I even have a funky old gray beard.
Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."
She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge".
"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man
with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention
my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are
a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying
that tubby gray haired older men were cute, and she was sure I would
still be a great lover.
Anyway, she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
So I told her to forget it.
Chuckle and chortle here. Ha ha. do ya know any one like that?
Th History Channel Takes A Hit, And Goes Down.
August 31, 2007 8:11 PM
Yesterday, I watched a show on th History Channel
(Lost Worlds. Defense preparations during the Cold War) and there
was one segment about a secret bomb shelter that was built for JFK
near his Florida retreat. This was built as an emergency temporary
shelter for him and his family and his entourage, in th event a nuclar
(if geo. bush can do it, so can I) war should break out while they
were vacationing there.
Th narrator of th story went on to say,
"This facility was only active for four years. After Kennedy's
assassination in 1965 it would serve no further purpose."
Oh sheeeit, what th fu.....? OK, now, did'ja catch that? Thas not
a typo; thas what he said. Wouldn't ya think that a show on th History
Channel would make a bit of an attempt to get their facts straight?
Wouldn't ya think that some one, th narrator perhaps, somebody, fr'chrissake,
woulda said, before this documentary was released,
"Hey hold on here guys! Like, Kennedy was assassinated in 1963,
Ummmm, don'cha think we oughta correct that little faux pas!?"
I mean, it would be like a show on Pearl Harbor where th narrator
talked about how on Dec. 7th, 1943, th Japanese attacked. Or like,
if some one talked about th invasion of Normandy on June 6th, 1946,
or mebbe th moon landing on July 20, 1971. If they can't get even
that, th most basic of facts about JFK right, then why should we believe
any other damn thing that mighta been said there?
Now, if this show had been broadcast on th Fox Network, I wouldn't
thought so much about it, y'know, whadda'ya expect; business as usual,
but one expects jus a bit more accuracy from th History Channel, don'cha
I do anyway!