Arkansas City, Kansas, Hits The BIG TIME
Thursday, August 31, 2006 12:35 PM
I read an article in th Star yesterday that
noted that a former police officer from Ark City was one of th guys
who escorted John Mark Karr from Thailand back to Boulder. In case
you didn't know, he's th Nationally Famous guy who confessed to th
murder of a little six year old girl about ten years ago. Her name
was Jon Benet Ramsey and her case drew quite a bit of attention.
And even tho this guy Karr has turned out, not to be th killer, altho
he confessed to th crime, you know th residents of Ark City are prolly
pretty darned proud that some one who used to live right there in
Arkansas City was involved in this drama.
So, if you happen to know anyone from there you might wanna call em
and congratulate them on their achievement and you might mention you
read about it in th Kansas City Star. Of course, I'm sure
that everybody in Ark City already knows about it, and are all abuzz
in th local cafe and tavern.
Frankly tho, I'm surprised th Star didn't delve into this
thing deeper, cuz this is th kinda hard hitting story they dig into.
They didn't even mention th officers name. We don't know where he
went to high school, or college? We don't know what his landlady thought
about him or anything?
Hopefully, one of th local TV stations will take up where th Star
left off. This story sounds like it was tailor made for Channel 5,
"Live! Late Breaking! Investigative!"
Well, anyway I jus wanted to let you know about this in case you don't
take th paper; and if you don't, Shame on you! This is exactly th
sort of information you're missing out on, AND YOU HAVE NO ONE TO
BLAME BUT YOUR SELF.
Another Nail In The Coffin Of Amerikn Culture
August 28, 2006 10:42 PM
I just heard today where the next season of Survivor
is going to pit ethnic groups against each other. Thas right. They're
gonna have four teams. One Caucasian, one African-Amerikan, One Asian
and one Latino. Is this just unbelievable!?
Can you imagine a guy pitching this insane, classless idea to th brass?
You would think they woulda fired his ass right on th spot and had
him escorted off th property as bein potentially dangerous. But nooo,
as a matter of fact, they approved th fookin idea!
Now, I know what yer thinkin. I can hear yer minds grinding and yer
goin; there goes th Cap'm again with one of his foolish, off-th-wall
ideas. Where does he come up with this goofy shit?
But nooo, Not Guilty boyz and gurls; this is fer real! They are actually
doing this. Does it strike you as a bit racists? Am I th only one
who finds this concept outrageously stupid and insensitive in th extreme?
Well sheeit, whut th hell, if they're gonna do that, might I suggest
they call th tribes, Th Honkies, or perhaps Th Peckerwoods? Th Niggaz,
or maybe Th Spear Chuckers? Th Slant-Eyes, or maybe Th Gooks, and
of course, you got Th Beaners, Th Greasers, Th Chili-Shitters or if
you prefer, maybe Th Taco-Benders, or jus Th Wetbacks? Scuse me, but
these are only my suggestions. I'm sure th peoples who run th show
will be able to come up with something apropos.
I'm a bit curious tho, since everybody knows th Jews run Hollywood,
(along with th rest of th world when they're not out starting wars)
why there aren't a tribe of Kikes? And to offset that, for th sake
of fairness, so there's no accusations of Bias, a tribe of Rag-heads
too? Think of th Dynamic Tensions these two tribes could present,
Now I read recently where some African-Amerikans had already complained
that previous episodes of Survivor had been slanted against
A-A's cuz they didn't know how to swim as well as others, thus putting
them at a serious disadvantage when "challenges" involved
swimming. I wasn't aware of this short coming in African-Amerikans?
I have driven by swimming pools before and I didn't notice th lifeguards
jumpin in and yankin drownin African-Amerikans outta th water right
and left. But mebbe I jus wasn't payin close enuff attention to th
plight of th black man, as so many don't.
I'm wondering tho how th Honkies will be able to compete on an equal
basis with th Brothas when any challenge involves jumping? Cus, you
know, everybody knows white boys can't jump! Or run! Or anything involving
physical abilities? And if there's gonna be any dancin goin on, Fuggedaboutit!!
On th other hand, who will be able to match th Gooks problem solving
advantage? Cuz every body knows they're smarter than every one else.
And th poor Beaners will be outmatched in in almost everything! Cept
maybe th ability to climb fences, pick strawberries, and pack twenty
of em in a VW van.
Oh well, fortunately I don't havta worry bout such minor details.
All I gotta do is sit back and enjoy th show and root fer my favorite
ethnic group. But thas kinda a problem fer me tho, since mi madre's
maiden name was Flores. Do I cheer on Chico or Fred? Sigh. As usual,
torn between two worlds. One foot in this one, th other foot in that
one. What's a half-breed to do?
Louis-Dreyfus Wins An Emmy. Un-fucking-believable!!
Monday, August 28, 2006 4:08 PM
I jus discovered this about an hour ago. As you may
know, I hate this show. I have moaned, and griped and bitched about
it often. I hate everything about it; th premise, th casting, th writing,
and especially JLD. Now I must say, I thought she was great as Elaine
in Seinfeld. Funny, whacky, quirky, y'know, th whole bit.
But in Christine, she's a complete bust. Jus terrible. Tryin
too hard to recapture that magic, and foiled by really bad writing,
and a dismal supporting cast.
I suppose in an effort not to recreate Elaine all over again, she
only has one expression now; th mouth turned down in a sad-sack kinda
look. A look of frustration and disappointment. After about ten minutes
it gets rilly old, worn out, and trite.
I saw a gurl I know at Osco's a little while ago and she said, more
or less, "Yo Charley, didja see where Julia Louis-Dreyfus won
an Emmy for her role in Christine?"
"Yeah, I jus read that a few minutes ago."
And she said, in a gloating kinda mode,
"So..... after all yer bad-mouthing of her show, whadda'ya gotta
"All I gotta say is that; it confirms what I knew all along,
and that is that peoples are jus as fucking stoopid as I thought they
"Oh c'mon. you jus don't wanna admit you were wrong!"
"No, no, thas not it at all. Gimme a break. Take yer mind outta
th closet and watch it one time. Watch th same old, tired cliches
ya've seen over and over again on every sit-com thas ever been on
and tell me you thought it was funny. Sheeit."
I was starting to get worked up and I had to egress th hell outta
there before i started "goin off". Ha ha
Th only other possibility for her win was; th FIX was in!!
Thas it boyz and gurlz; there's only those two possibilities;
1. Peoples are stoopid! (that would be my guess)
2. Th whole thing is rigged. (hey, if they can rig a presidential
election, how hard would it be to.......)
have waaay too much time on your hands"
August 27, 2006 2:52 AM
Whenever some one sez this ta me it rankles a bit.
Cuz as a matter of fact, NO, I DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH FUCKING TIME ON
MY HANDS! OK!?
How in th world can ya have too much time on yer hands? I wish th
days were four hours longer myself, and that there were eight days
instead of seven in a week.
Usually when peoples say this ta ya they are sayin it in an accusatory,
condemning kinda way that is intended ta make ya feel bad or guilty
or somthin, cus they think yer activity, or maybe lack of activity
they're commenting on, is a waste of time. But whose time? Hey It's
my time and I'll do whatever th hell I want with it!
See, yer not allowed ta jus BE! In these peoples way of thinkin ya
gotta BE DOIN SOMTHIN! Alla time!
But I think time is well spent, regardless of whut yer doin, as lon
as yer enjoyin yerself, and I don't apologise ta NOBODY fer how I
spend my time. I mean, Sheeit, some peoples spend a lot of time and
effort collecting barbed wire. Not my cupo tea, but, hey. If ya wanna
count th cracks on yer ceiling and enjoy doin that, I say, GO FER
I think peoples who say this to another do so out of a kind of jealousy
cuz they are th ones whose hours are so crowded that they can't do
a lot of things they might otherwise do, cept they don't have th fuckin
time themselves. So they say this ta ya in an accusatory kinda fashion,
as a kinda put down cus they see ya spendin yer time in whut they
consider a frivolous way; BUT TH FACT IS; they envy ya!
They seem ta think that everything one does must have some kinda purpose,
must be productive in some kinda way, that should produce some kinda
result. It's all part of th Protestant work ethic, like, it's immoral
or somethin to do nothin. "Idle hands......" and all that
They are more likely, (altho in fact, not really very likely) to see
you spendin an hour in meditation, if ya tell em yer searchin fer
Serenity, or Harmony, or Peace or some fuckin thing. At least, ya've
got some kinda purpose see, altho they would still consider that whole
process a waste of time anyway I'm sure.
If some one asks ya what ya did that day and ya tell em that you jus
laid around on yer sofa all afternoon and they ask,
"Well, what? Like, were ya meditatin or watchin th TeeVee or
and ya say,
"Nah, I wuz jus lying there."
"Well, whut were ya doin?"
"Nothin, y'know, jus relaxin and thinkin."
"Ya mean, ya were jus lyin there doin absolutely nothin, jus
lyin there thinkin?"
"Yeah, thas right!"
Ok, here it comes
"Dude, you got waaay too much time on you're hands!"
Yeah, ya know, like I coulda done some laundry, or shined my shoes,
or washed some dishes or somethin, but ya know whut? I didn't fuckin
feel like doin any of those things! So I didn't, godammit.
P.S. I think maybe the only time you could ever say that to someone
legitimately would be to a dude doin his time in solitary. Cuz you
know he wishes th day was only four hours long, and th weeks were
shortened to four days.
Do not call list for cell phone numbers? - Mostly Fiction!
August 23, 2006 1:03 PM
WARNING: A Tsunami of Bullshit Is Heading Our Way
Tuesday, August 22, 2006 8:23 PM
Do you recall th feeding frenzy among th media over
Jon Benet ten years ago? It went on and on and on without end. And
altho it peaked after a couple of years we were still kept abreast
of every little detail of th ongoing investigation. And now this!!!
Can you imagine th mountain of minutiae of this asshole's life we
are going to be buried under now? Everyone who ever knew him will
be interviewed. We will learn what his high school English teacher
thought of him. We will get the impressions of a lady who stood with
him in line at th post office one time. We will learn what he had
for breakfast and whether he liked it or not. Every one who was ever
within fifty feet of him will be asked,
"What was going thru your mind when you first heard he had confessed?
What were you thinking at the time?"
It would be interesting to know just how many peoples job it is right
now, to find out every little detail of his life? All th networks
will be assigning their legal experts to not only keep us informed,
but to explain to us what it all means.
And of course th peoples in th White House are clapping their hands
with glee and loving every single distracting moment of it. Who cares
about Iraq, Afghanistan, Lebanon, Hezbollah, etc, etc? What peoples
will want to know is; does John Mark Karr prefer Pepsi, or does he
like Coke? Come to think of it; this would be an excellent time to
invade Iran and bring some Democracy to th Freedom-starved peoples
there. Who would even notice?
Oh it's gonna be so exciting! We haven't had anything rilly cool like
this since hearing about Cindy Sheehan for months on end. Cindy "who?"
you say! Gonna be a whole lotta trees cut down and a whole lotta ink
spread on this one. Sheeit. I'm nauseous already.
P.S. I hope you'll excuse me for putting John Karr's middle name in
there, but that seems to be th way they've decided to go with it.
Th name is so important you know! If that little girl's name had been
Ingrid Ramsey, would we even be talkin about any of this?
Immigration, And Some Minor Issues
August 22, 2006 1:15 AM
Election years are great aren't they? They allow our
politicians to get us all excited about shit thas been right under
our noses for a long time, but that they have done absolutely nothing
about and have completely ignored. Then suddenly, they tell us they
are very concerned! That something must be done! Right now, every
politician must be able to tell you where he stands on illegal immigration.
It's a big, burning issue that must be resolved. But oh wait, did
any one give a shit about illegal immigration six months ago? Fuck
Everybody had more important things to worry about, y'know, like Brad
and Jen. Does Tom really care about this chick Katy, or is it all
jus a publicity stunt? What is th marriage situation between Jessica
and whatever th hell her husband's name was? Who has Paris been seen
with this past week? These were th big issues peoples were dealing
with six months ago.
If ya had asked some one what they thought about immigration, they
prolly woulda said,
"Whut th hail are yew talkin about? Whut th hail is immigrashun?
Is thet th stuff them Asian birds got?"
And if you had taken a second to explain what illegal immigration
meant, they prolly woulda said,
"Hey looky here hoss, I gots Chico and his crew puttin up new
gutterin on mah house fer almos nothin. Know whut ahm sayin! An besides
thet, how muh gonna get a maid ta replace Maria on muh wages at th
So I was talikin to Chico yesterday bout it durin their lunch break,
cuz I give em fifteen minutes to eat their tacos and stuff; well sheeit,
how long does it take to eat two tacos? And he gave me this poem he
doan know why
all yoo peeple
are so down
on my peeple
we cleen yoor toilets
we mop yoor floors
we cook yoor foods
yoo treat us like whores
we beeld yoor houses
we peek yoor fruit
we wash yoor clothes
but yoo geeve us th boot
we have beeen here
for a lonng time seenyor
and yoo said notheeng
but now yoo are sore
now yoo wanna
beeld a great wall
to keeep us out
hey ese, whas that all about?
yoo have eelection now
yoo make beeg steenk
but wheen it's over
yoo weel geeve us a weenk
so we go baack to workk
deegeen yoor deetches
but joo still pay us notheeng
for beeing yoor beetches
so theees is wat i say
chinga tu madre,
And then he demanded I start payin them three dollars an hour! And
to add insult to injury, now they want a half hour for lunch! Sheeit.Talk
about a gouging goin on!!
I'm fed up I tell ya. I think there's a lot of merit to th proposal
that we should round em all up, all 12 million of em, y'know, and
put em someplace, and then ship em all back to Mehico. Heck if we
loaded em up on busses, 50 at a time, and sent a bus off every ten
minutes, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, it'd only take 4 and a
half years to get rid of em all. And I think you could do it too with
prolly no more than say, twenty-five or thirty thousand busses.
And by the time we got rid of them all, we'd have th wall built to
keep em out permanently. And we'd create12 million new chobs so no
amerikkan would ever be without a chob. Think of th opportunities.
College grads wouldn't have to worry bout whether they would be able
to get a chob on graduation anymore, cuz there'd be plenty of openings
out there in th strawberry patch. And no more homeless peoples buggin
ya at stoplights anymore.
And another thing, Iran! Nuke em! Turn Iran into a giant glass topped
parking lot. Hell, we got ten thousand of those damned things jus
lying around goin to waste.
And while we're at it, we could unload a hundred of em on N. Korea
too and not even know they were missin. That would solve a number
of problems including their own inability to feed themselves. Y'know,
th old sayin, "Dead Koreans eat no rice!"
And another thing, as long as we're tidying up, this would be a good
time to put th kabosh on th Chinese ambitions to ursurp our place
in th world as Numbah One! We reely don't need any more Chinese restaurants
anyway, do we!
And finally boyz and gurlz, I don't guess I gotta draw you a picture
of how to deal with our Cuban neighbors to th south, do I?
Can yoy say, "Mushroom clouds over Havana?"
These things are not as far fetched as one might think, cuz fortunately,
we have a President who is willing to take bold, decisive action to
protect our Freedoms and to promote Democracy to Peace loving peoples
God bless Amerikka!
Monday, August 21, 2006 5:59 PM
Th below is from my friend Mardi S. Pretty amusing
if you are familiar with th KC environs.
Mattel recently announced the release of limited edition Barbie dolls
for the KC Metroplex market:
Leawood Barbie-This princess Barbie is only sold at Town Center Mall.
She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV,
a longhaired foreign lap-dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream
house with a lawn service. Available with or without tummy tuck and
face-lift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.
Overland Park Barbie-This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available
with Ford Windstar mini-van and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily
and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming
cell phone sold separately. Can swear in English and Spanish. Available
Independence Barbie--This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm
handgun, bowie knife, a '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and
a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only
be bought with cash, preferably small bills ... unless you are a cop,
then we don't know what you are talking about.
Blue Valley Barbie--This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit
card set, and country club membership.Also available are Shallow Ken
and Spanish-speaking Nanny.
Paola Barbie--This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans
two sizes too small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo
on her shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR at K-State. She has a six-pack
of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over
5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase
her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker
absolutely free. Available only at Big Lots & Dollar General Stores.
Wyandotte County Barbie--This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie
has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from
the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Paola Barbie's (discontinued)
house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails,
strawberry lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie's
double-wide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.
The Grandview/Raytown Barbie--This collagen injected, rhinoplastic
Barbie wears leopard print spandex and drinks cosmopolitans to new
age music with friends at the lodge. Into crystals. Comes with Percocet
prescription and botox. Also cheap.
Olathe Barbie--This Barbie now comes with a stroller, infant doll
and Bible. Optional accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass on the
Jo. Gangsta' Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very
difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Available at any
Brookside Barbie--This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight
brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks
with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow."
She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Brookside
Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker
Lenexa Barbie--Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect
in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting
or in Japan on business. Lenexa Barbie aspires to become Leawood Barbie.
Not cheap, but still very naive.
Waldo Barbie--Into football, animals and bonfires. 98% belong to a
cult, 2% are free thinking and void of any "traditions."
Does nothing but complain about Plaza Barbie.
Argentine Barbie--This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984
Toyota with expired temporary plates and three babies in the back,
without car seats. This is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor.
Ken comes in a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers
on left hand. Green cards are not yet available for Argentine Barbie
Plaza Barbie/Ken--This versatile doll can be easily converted from
Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the "snap-on"
parts. Likes to "experiment." Doesn't understand why Waldo
Barbie complains so much.
Topeka Barbie--would come with a 97 Ford Taurus with an unpainted
body kit and crappy stereo system. This Barbie is twice the size of
all the other Barbies and has more tattoos than Topeka Ken. Ghetto
braids optional. And she's still white, but she doesn't "know
Lawrence Barbie -- This doll comes with a royal blue "Muck Fizzou"t-shirt,
70 parking tickets, and $20k in student loans. She thinks PHIL 100
is deep and gets excited when hearing; "I take Women's Studies
to meet girls." Ken asks if she wants to go to The Ranch. (She
has a sister, Lawrence Skipper, but Skipper long ago declared corporate
Mattel evil and destroyed her own box in protest.)
Gardner Barbie- Has never been North of 95th Street and complains
about going "all the way to Olathe". Comes with her own
bag of fireworks, ill-fitting t-shirt/shorts combination and has been
banned from all 4 of the Gardner bars. Comes with optional motorcycle
and current boyfriend/ex-husband Shit Starting Ken.
Moby Johnson; A Rock Opera
Monday, August 21, 2006 5:36 PM
My buddy Ernie H. wrote me below in regards to Moby
Steve Goodman and Saul Broudy noticed no one had written a song about
Moby Dick so they wrote one called Moby Book. Maybe you are on to
something here Cap't...
Call me Ishmael, Ishmael is my name
Call me Ishmael, Ishmael is my name
And I ride with Captain Ahab
Out on de bounding main...
Saul is a professor at The University of Pennsylvania, folklorist.
He and some of the Philadelphia pickin' mafia played/sang on one of
Steve'e albums, either Words We Can Dance To or Jessie's Jig.
Alone and armed only with his guitar, Steve was the best I ever saw..."
If ya've never heard of Steve Goodman, check him out sometime. He's
th Record Straight
Monday, August 21, 2006 5:07 PM
OK, I'd jus like to say here to all my friends who
happen to be Bicyclists, Joggers and Walkers and who might take umbrage
at my frequent disparaging characterizations of same;
I'm not talkin bout YOU!!
I'm only talkin bout th rest of em, cuz in a barrel full of rotten
apples, you guys would still be tasty. OK!?
Letter to th Editor
August 21, 2006 4:33 PM
My good friend, one Mz Kara, had a letter she wrote
in regards to global warming published in today's paper. Tho well
intentioned, at one point she suggested that more peoples resort to
riding bikes and walking to reduce harmful emissions. When I read
that part, my heart skipped a beat. Oh no!! Th Horror! Remember th
old Chinese sayin about bein careful what you wish for? I felt she
needed my input so I wrote th following to enlighten her, so to speak.
RE:Your Global Warning Notice.
"Global warming"? whazzat? faulty science, hokey-pokey,
mumbo-jumbo and malarkey. and if ya don't believe me, jus ask "The
Leader". whut next: tobacco is bad fer yer health?
Awright now ms kara, having read yer letter, I don't like to be critical,
but I would be remiss if I didn't scold you tho for your irresponsible
suggestion that more peoples should be riding their bicycles and walking.
whew!! There are already waay too many of these of these ignorant
fucking morons out there vexing law-abiding motorists such as myself.
It's bad enuff as it is. Why there's hardly a day that goes by when
I'm not forced to run one of those critters into a ditch or somthin.
after all, what are a few lost ice-cycles in lieu of peace of mind.
and yer fer peace, right? So, whut's th deal?
I suppose next you'll be suggesting that more peoples give up their
home phones and limit their telephone conversations to their cell
phones while driving home from work, or while visiting th library,
eh? Once again, fer these peoples; th ditch!!!
Y a see, th thing is kara, ya gotta be careful in dealing with peoples
of that intelligence level, cuz they're very susceptible to suggestion
and should not be encouraged.
OK, OK, enuff of that negativity. so now ms kara, since you've been
published in th star, th 'diversity coalition' will now prolly seek
to recruit you for their nefarious intentions. That's how they pulled
me in. be careful out there. Stick to watchin 'amerikkan idol', don't
complain, cover yer tracks and watch what you say on th phone.
Well, I hope my suggestions to her will be helpful in th future, should
she plan further letters to other publications.
In th meantime, I wish The Leader would expand his surveillance of
phone calls to include Bicyclists and Pedestrians also. Two subversive
groups who both merit closer observations. What do you suppose these
bicyclists discuss when they get together and go off on their rides
out into th country where no one can hear what they say?
I would go undercover and infiltrate them myself except speedos are
not rilly my thing. But somebody needs to step up to th plate. (I
like to insert sports metaphors when ever I can) If you might like
to volunteer fer this mission, remember; you must be able to act like
a Complete Ignoramus at all times. Bitch and moan about how motorists
don't give ya no respect. Do not let it slip that you know how to
read and write and do cypherin too, and when you see stop signs, go,
"Whut th hail is thet thing?"
Or, like, when ya see a stoplight, ask yer fellow bikin comrades,
"How cum those stupid lights keep changin colors like thet? Whyn't
they make up their mind? Is it Chrismus or somthin? And why ina hail
is thet dude yellin at us?"
And then go,
"Sheeeit!!!!" in a loud disgusting tone.
You'll fit right in.
2 Arabs and a Jew
Sunday, August 20, 2006 4:58 PM
Perhaps you've heard this joke before. It's been
around for some time. My buddy Ed sent it to me and I had to chuckle.
But besides bein amusing, I think it pretty much sums up th whole
Arab/Israeli thing. check it out.
Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and
the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, an old Jewish man sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Jew kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and
was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said,
"I need to get up and get a coke."
"Don't get up," said the Jew, "I'm in the aisle seat,
I'll get it for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the man's shoe and
spat in it.
When the old man returned with the coke, the other Arab said,
"That looks good, I'd really like one, too."
Again, the old man obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone
the other Arab picked up the man's other shoe and spat in it.
When the old man returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the old Jew slipped his feet into his shoes
and knew immediately what had happened.
"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked.
"How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?" When will it end?
Ha ha Pretty funny huh? But also pretty sad cuz y'know what boyz and
gurlz; my guess is that IT WILL NEVER END!!!
4 Americans Killed In Afghanistan: th dance goes on.
August 19, 2006 4:57 PM
Th French fought a ten-year war (1945-55) in Indo-China
(Vietnam) and left with their tail between their legs in disgrace.
We went in right behind them, knowing how to do it better of course
and fought a ten year war (1965-75) and left in disgrace with our
tail between our legs.
Th Russians fought a ten year (1979-89) war in Afghanistan and left
in disgrace with their tail between their legs.
We are now in Afghanistan for 5 years and there's no telling how many
more years we will be there. Opium production is at an all time high.
Th tribal warlords run th country. Always have, always will. Doesn't
matter what kind of "government" they have in Kabul; out
in th rest of th country, th warlords prevail.
Eventually, we will leave there with our tail between our legs.
Jus like we will eventually leave Iraq! With our tails between our
legs in disgrace.
A colossal disaster!
And our buddy Israel. Whew! Altho th Israeli's destroyed Lebanon in
th guise of rescuing TWO kidnapped Israeli soldiers and arguably didn't
leave with their tails between their legs, they certainly lost there
in every sense of th word. Politically, morally, militarily. Most
of th world condemns their heavy handed approach in dealing with their
problem of dealing with TWO kidnapped soldiers. You gotta wonder if
they woulda nuked Lebanon if a half dozen had been kidnapped!
They had a lot of sympathy in th beginning but squandered it with
their no holds barred methods. It's one thing to take off th gloves
dealing with Hezbollah, an obvious terrorist organization, but th
1,000 innocent dead civilians and th thousands of wounded leaves a
bad taste in th mouth. They left Lebanon smoking in ruins, They themselves
lost perhaps 150 KIA with 800-900 wounded and accomplished none of
their goals. Hezbollah, who they meant to wipe out, is stronger than
ever. Their prestige in th Islamic world for fighting th daunted Israeli
Army to a standstill makes them heroes in every Arab's eyes. Th invincibility
of th IDF is forever destroyed.
And Geo. Bush says th Israelis were Victorious. Th man is obviously
insanely disallusional. I try to be open minded but it's impossible
for me to see how any one can look at his record th past six years
and find anything worth while there. Stevie Wonder could see it better
than me, and as you know, he doesn't see very well at all.
Moby Johnson; A Rock Opera
Saturday, August 19, 2006 3:31 PM
OK ya'll, I'm thinkin, y'know, in that half-assed
kinda fashion I do, of a Rock Opera based loosely on Herm Melville's
short story bout Cap't A-Dawg and his feud with th Great White Whale,
Moby Johnson. You prolly recall that from a High School Lit class
don'cha? Remember that short story that went on and on, ad infinitum!
I think th Bible would be a quicker read.
It all started one day when th Cap't was trollin fer marlin and Moby
Johnson had become tangled in his line, quite by accident, and unwittingly
dragged A-Dawg and his rowboat all over th north forty and back in
an effort to disentangle hisself.
Well, Cap't A-Dawg was furious and greatly agitated. Not only was
it embarrassing, but he had an important appointment and his pedicurist
would jus rip his skull fer bein late. Pierre could be a real bitch
when he got miffed.
When finally A-Dawg managed to break clear he uttered many a obscenity
in Moby's direction. Moby, knowin better than to confront a loony
tune such as this, ignored his challenges to pull over and wrote th
whole incident off to jus another nutball and a case of Sea Rage.
When finally, A-Dawg returned to his ship, Pierre was sulking and
refused to even speak to him. He screeched at him that in th future,
maybe Quack-Quack, a hulking, mysterious dude, of uncertain breeding,
would do his toe nails for him, and haughtily retreated to his state
Cap't A-Dawg was enraged once again and held Moby Johnson responsible
fer his plight. As his toe nails became more and more unsightly, dudes
in his set were crackin wise behind his back. A-Dawg became more and
more obsessed with revenge on Moby Johnson. He took to derisively
referring to him as Moby Dick!! No body disses A-Dawg and gets away
with it! He vowed to search th seven seas if necessary to avenge himself.
He offered a dozen 'rocks' to th first dude who eyeballed Moby Johnson.
The days wore on. His posse began to mutter and mumble. They grew
listless and Morale plummeted. After awhile, they even stopped singin
their sea chanteys and th ship rode heavy in th water with their despair.
Each day, th cap't would ask th lookout,
"Yo dude! What about Moby Johnson? What news have ye for me?"
And each day th lookout would answer.
"Arrrgh!" and naught more.
Then one day, as th cap't, lolled in his rack in a perpetual funk,
whacked out on some primo, black Afghani hash, he heard th lookout,
"She blows! She blows!!"
And with racin heart, he went on deck and yanked th eyeglass from
th Mate and cried out triumphantly,
"Moby Johnson! You Mutherfucker! Yer lamp oil now, cuz yer big,
fat, white ass is mine, Damn ye!"
And he began barking out orders.
"Left full rudder, Damn th torpedos! Full speed ahead! Prepare
to dive. This is th Cap't speaking. DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!"
And his crew didn't have any idea what th fuck he was blabbering about?
Next he yelled out,
"Man th mizzenmast!"
And Quack-Quack said'
"Gor! And Blimey! We can't sir. It's still mizzen. har har."
But Cap't A-Dawg wasn't in any mood for Levity.
"You scurvy swine. Avast there!!"
Meanwhile, unaware of all th commotion goin on above him. Moby Johnson
was unconcernedly crusin along rehearsin a new song he was workin
"I Gots th Albino Whale Deep Sea Blues Thinkin of Youse,"
which he planned on introducin at th next jam session. His bassists
Jonah was gonna dig this. This was a song he had written about Falena,
who he thought of as his gurlfriend, but who was rilly jus a big flirt.They
had had what was but a brief affair one night in Rose's Cantina, in
El Paso, but Moby couldn't get her outta his mind, he had developed
a huge crush on her and was at this very moment on his way to meet
her off th coast of Cape Verde. He had an overpowering urge to kiss
her jus one more time.
And while he was daydreaming of that; suddenly he was ripped out of
his reverie when he recognised that insane fool he had encountered
that time. Th dude had a crazed look in his eye and was screaming
oaths of undetermined meaning and throwin bottles of MD 20/20 at him.
Moby couldn't help but think th dude was more than jus physically
handicapped, but was in fact, a raving maniac. He tried to ignore
him and not make eye contact.
But then he experienced a deep, burning pain in his side as he felt
th harpoon go deep in his chest. And as he felt his Life Force draining
away with th torrents of blood gushing from his side, Moby hung his
head in sorrow, knowin he would never get to kiss Falena good bye.
Of course, this is jus a rough draft. There's still a lot to flesh
out, so to speak. I dunno tho, th way Broadway has been goin th last
few years it might be a tuff sell. But, oh well, "to dream the
Fidel Castro, Amerikan Nemesis
Tuesday, August 15, 2006 2:06 AM
My friend, Ms Not-from-Kansas-Dorothy sent this
to me today.
Hey, I came across this in one of your emails (sent 06-21-05)...
"I'm betting that within one year of Castro's death, we will
have diplomatic relations with Cuba once again, and the transformation
of Cuba from being a pariah to a friendly nation will take place faster
than anyone ever thought."
What can I say! You'd be a regular Nostradamus. Old Castro just has
to go into the hospital for some "intestine" surgery and
the U.S. is chomping at the bit!
Hell, I'll bet Cuba is granted statehood when the old geezer dies.
Well thanks Dorothy, but, oh shucks, it's all jus part of bein a regular
ol Seer and Visionary. But it got me to thinkin again on th whole
I am amazed at all th hoopla surrounding Castro's recent hospitalization.
You would think he was th Devil Incarnate th way peoples carry on.
Oh yeah, sure, he's a dictator, but as dictators go, he hardly ranks
up there in th top tier. Yet we have been treating Castro, and consequently,
Cuba, for th past 40 some years as tho they are th worst threat we've
ever faced. We've had an embargo on them for 44 years now.
It kinda makes ya wonder why exactly? Personally, I have long maintained
that Castro was involved in Kennedy's assassination in some way. A
notion thas not th least bit far-fetched, cuz, after all Kennedy had
been trying to kill Fidel ever since th Bay of Pigs, going so far
as to give th Chicago mafia (Sam Giancana, who Kennedy shared a girl
friend with, one Judy Exner) th contract, which they then bumbled
several times in some Keystone Cops type efforts. So, it's not at
all unreasonable to think that Fidel coulda been lookin fer some payback.
How else to explain our policy towards this little island nation?
What pray tell, did th Cubans do to merit a 40+ years embargo? Sheeit!
They always mention how it's a Communist country. We have better relations
with several communist countries today than Cuba, like N. Vietnam
Do ya remember them boyz and gurls? Those N. Vietnamese Commie bastards
who WE FOUGHT A TEN YEAR WAR with, and who killed 59,000 amerikans
and wounded 200-300,000 more. They refer to it as th Vietnam War!
But, how many Amerikans died in th Cuban War? Yeah, I know. I don't
remember that one either! Hey, ya wanna take a vacation to Hanoi?
Go right ahead. Can do. All is forgiven. Hell, they have a McDonald's
in Saigon today.
But try and visit Cuba? Fuggedaboutit!
What about China? One of our most bitter Cold War foes? They have
McDonald's in a number of cities there too. You can build a factory
there if you wanna. They're one of our biggest trading partners and
who we have a gigantic trade deficit with. Almost everything you buy
today comes from this giant communist country. Wanna take a trip to
Beijing. No problema Señor.
What about Russia? Our #1 former enemy in th Cold War? How many countless
Billions of dollars did we spend confronting and containing th Russkies?
Ya wanna invest money there? Ya wanna go on vacation there? Ya wanna
live there? It's up to you, cuz ya can if ya wanna.
But, Cuba? Not on yer life! No way Jose. Not gonna happen. Well, not
if yer an Amerikan anyway. OK, so it's like,
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Cuz our Government won't let ya!! Thas why. And I think th reason
why they won't let ya is cuz,
Castro assassinated Kennedy, thas why!!!
And we evidently, for who knows what reason, decided not to make that
info public. Th US Government decided that as long as Fidel Castro
was in power, Cuba would be a Pariah! We would never take th pressure
off th Cubans. And we haven't.
Why is so much of Kennedy's assassination still classified 43 years
later? What possible justification can they come up with on that?
Th old stand-by; National Security? C'mon, gimme a break! I mean,
it's been 43 years, fr'chrissake!! What really happened there that
every Administration since, has kept secret from th Amerikan peoples?
And th Warren Commission; whatta crocka caca!
How many years will it take before some one sez we can finally know
everything thas in th files? Is it because they don't wanna try and
explain to th Amerikan peoples why we let a foreign country assassinate
our President and get away with it without any retaliation?
Well, what I'm sayin is; that we HAVE been retaliating against them
for th past 43 years!! THAT is why we still have this ridiculous foreign
policy against them, that otherwise makes no sense whatsoever!!! It's
Or, at least, thas what I think
August 13, 2006 8:38 PM
This is a pretty smarmy, yet endearing story my buddy
Tommy D, who now lives in Houston, sent about the ongoing mess out
Hey here's a truly heartwarming story you might wanna share with your
friends about the bond formed between a little 5 year old girl and
some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make
a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.
(I must say, at this point I groaned. This was not th Tommy D. I know.)
A young family had moved into their FEMA trailer in Lakeview. (For
you Yankees, that is a neighborhood near the lake in New Orleans,
where I lived for 12 years)
The house next door was being gutted, leveled and renovated from floor
to ceiling. The young family's five-year-old daughter naturally took
an interest in all the activity going on next-door and spent much
of each day observing the construction workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them pretty rough characters,
more or less adopted the girl as a kind of project mascot. They chatted
with her and let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her
At the end of the first week they even gave her a pay envelope containing
a crisp new five-dollar bill. The little girl was thrilled and took
this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration
and suggested that they take the five-dollar "pay" she had
received to the bank to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked
the little girl what she had done to earn so much at such a young
age. The little girl proudly replied,
"Last week I worked with the crew rebuilding the house next door
"My goodness gracious", said the teller, "and will
you be working on the house this week, too?"
The little girl replied,
"I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fucking
Kids, eh!! Ha ha
Just So You Know
Sunday, August 13, 2006 4:34 PM
Bein a local boy, I'm hoping th KC Star scooped
th Enquirer on this one. In case you didn't get today's paper
and missed this, in th front section of th Star, it was reported
that Paris Hilton's pet kinkajou, "Baby Luv", (isn't that
just a darling name) which is a raccoon-like animal, bit her while
she was playin with it. But, don't be alarmed; she wasn't badly hurt,
Thank God!!! But she did get a tetanus shot.
And while I heartly applaud th Star fer havin th courage
and gumption to print this, I do think they coulda followed it up
a bit more thoroughly. I'm talkin a bit more investigative journalism.
I mean, like, no where did any one mention what kinda outfit she was
wearin when she went to th hospital or who she was gonna be boinkin
later on in th evening?
As one who prides hisself on bein au courant on current events these
are th kinda details I look for in my news. A glaring omission to
be sure, but still a hard hitting news report, worthy of a Katie Couric.
So, looky here ya'll, please don't write me to thank me for lettin
you know bout this; after all, I AM only th messenger; but rather,
call th Kansas City Star and let them know how much you appreciate
getting full coverage on what is happening in our world today. Cus,
like, there's a lotta other stuff goin down, besides all that stuff
bout th near east, or th far east, or where ever th hell east that
place is? I mean, rilly. So there was another car bombing today! Y'know,
like, ho-hum. Get over it and get on with it. OK.
This Paris 'thing' is th kinda news we want.
Ruminations From Th Sofa
Wednesday, August 9, 2006 9:34 PM
Y'know, I have been lying here on th sofa for some
time now, where I spend a good deal of my time thinking. And while
I was thinking, I wondered who invented th sofa? Whoever it was, I
tip my hat to him. It's a reely great gadget and I've certainly made
ample use of mine.
So, as I said, I was lying here "thinking." Do you ever
do that boyz and gurlz? 'Think", I mean? Try it some time, it
can be rewarding. Oh sure, maybe not as rewarding as watching Amaeikan
Idol, but it still has its own peculiar attractions.
Suddenly, from outta nowhere, I thought of Eli Whitney. You remember
him of course; th inventor of th cotton gin. And that triggered a
thought about Cyrus McCormack; th inventor of th, "McCormack
reaper', which comes in real handy when ya need ta reap some wheat
and stuff. From there I moved on to Elias Howe, who you recall I'm
sure, invented th sewing machine.
As I pondered these things, I wondered if kids today know who these
peoples are? I was taught about these peoples in school back in th
olden days. Do they teach young students this kinda stuff today? Fuck
no! I don't think so!! Cus it seems to me that most of em are totally
ignorant about stuff like this.
Of course, overhearing conversations among them, about computers and
so on, I would certainly be considered ignorant my own self. While
I can tell you who invented th sewing machine and talk about th great
naval battle of Salamis, I don't have a clue as to how to simply turn
on a computer, much less drive one. A veritable dinosaur, if you will.
Rumbling and thrashing about, while babbling bout McComack reapers
and cotton gins and other irrelevant bullshit.
Damn.Ya know whut!! I think thas enuff thinkin and ponderin fer one
evening, eh! Now I'm gonna go do what I do when I'm not utilizin th
sofa; I'm gonna go drink some beers!
And why you ask? To which I retort; and why not!
Sunday, August 6, 2006 3:42 AM
I got this spam today. Man this is exciting! Finally,
th truth emerges! Forget all that, "Speed Kills", nonsense
of th '60s. Let's change that to, "Speed Wills".
No more hangovers, no more shakes in th mornings, no more vomiting
th first hour of th day, and best of all, no more DT's. I'm tired
of all those bugs crawlin all over me alla time.
And, this sounds jus like th cure I need to overcome my shyness too
cuz, god knows, I always wanted to be, "th life of th party".
I'm tired of hanging around th punch bowl all night. I wanna get out
and do th hokey-pokey too. And maybe this will quieten th snickers
and guffaws I alway hear trailing behind me in th gym.
Ephedra -The Ultimate Energy Experience
Motivate for Anything
Slam Through Your Work Day
Be the Life of the Party
Be Awesome At The Gym
Cure Your Hangover
Lose Weight Quickly and Safely
Excell In Everything You Do!
No Come Down
Caffeine, Taurine & Ephedrine FREE
Non Addictive & Non-Habit Forming
Please Visit Here
Whew! Sounds pretty awesome, eh! If ya wanna go in with me, we could
prolly get a price break if we buy in volume. Lemme know!
RE: "War Is Heck!"
5, 2006 4:31 AM
I must say I'm just a bit disappointed and depressed.
I think I'll try and find Solace and Refuge in some booze and Substances.
See, I actually thought that my Mr. Rogers Movie idea was a bit humorous
But gadzooks!! I didn't hear back from a single, solitary soul. Not
one! So I've waited a couple of days to give peoples a chance to come
to their senses, but, still, Nada!
OK, now I know it wasn't as gut busting funny as th typical humor
out there, like, fr'instance, th joke I was told last night. A guy
sittin next to me sez,
"Hey Charley, wanna hear a good joke?" and I said,
"Nah, not reely!"
and, ignoring my response completely, cus Joke Tellers are like that;
they're gonna tell their godam jokes whether ya wanna hear em or not,
cuz thas what they do! He said,
"What's th difference between a slut and a bitch?"
I didn't give th response. I didn't say anything, I remained mum and
jus stared straight ahead as tho I hadn't even heard him. Of course
that didn't deter him one bit.
So, he hit me with th punchline,
"A slut will fuck every one! But a bitch will fuck every one
And he followed this up with his own hearty guffaws. He obviously
found that hilarious and he was pretty damned pleased with himself.
I jus sat there. I didn't react in any way, cept to order another
OK, OK, I know, evidently I have no sense of humor. It was obviously
an extremely funny joke and my lame effort couldn't match that on
th Humor Scale. But still, I thought it was mildly amusing, at least
worthy of a ha, if not a Ha ha. And yet, no one else did!
Sheeit. And I thought I had my finger on th Pulse. And ya know what?
I did; but, oh wait.... th patient is Dead!
Think about it!
August 4, 2006 12:57 AM
OK, so, like, when was th last time you heard The
"We took out a brutal dictator, and today the World is a safer
place because of it."
Tell me boys and gurls, do you feel safer today than you did before
we "liberated" Iraq? Do you think th average Iraqi feels
safer? Hmmmm. Personally, I would bet th average Iraqi reminisces
and thinks longingly of th days when Saddam ruled as, "th good
ol days, as they now hunker down in th basement, by candle light,
singin, "for he was a jolly good fellow...for he was a jolly....
God Bless Amerikka!
Tuesday, August 1, 2006 5:28 AM
Several years ago I had a thought for a movie starring
Mr. Rogers, titled,
"WAR IS HECK!"
It went something like this; Mr. Rogers is looking into a mirror
in his dressing room, applying his makeup, just prior to going on
As he looks in the mirror, we hear a voice off camera with a pronounced
Asian accent say,
"Aw'mos time Mistuh Fred. You come now."
and as Mr. Rogers continues staring into his reflected eyes, the
scene dissolves.....and we get a flashback to 'the Nam'. Now, I'm
thinking, here we can rip off the scene from Apocalypse Now,
where we hear the loud rotors from the helicopters and there is pandemonium,
noise and chaos, swirling dust as new troopers arrive in country.
They are eventually led to their platoon where Sgt. Fred Rogers runs
things, even though Lt. Smally is in nominal command. No one calls
Sgt. Rogers....Sargent. Rogers, or even Sarge, everyone
calls him MR. ROGERS. He is a grizzled 28 years old vet doing his
third tour of duty. He is widely known and respected as, "a one
man gook killing machine". His battle cry is,
"For God and Country you steeenking gook bastards!".
One day one of the FNGs makes the mistake of jokingly calling him,
pop. BIG Mistake. Whew! He was in a world of hurt for
that. And needless to say, he never did that again. Fer sure!! Some
of the guys in MR. ROGERS squad wondered why he didn't wear standard
issue jungle fatigues like they did? But, instead, he wore a white
starched shirt with a red tie, and a beige sweater, and some nice
subdued cardigan pants and some penny loafers. And although they were
uncomfortable with that, thinking it made him somewhat conspicuous,
nobody, but NOBODY, was gonna ask him why? Ya just didn't get in MR.
ROGERS face about ANYTHING!! ya dig! The man was a Legend.
Before going out on patrol, MR. ROGERS liked to give the squad a
little pep talk, to motivate them, to hype them up for some righteous
gook wasting. He would say to them,
"Can you say 'gook' boys and gurls?"
and they would all shout out,
in a chorus. And he would say,
"Can you say, "Kill", boyz and gurlz?"
and again they would reply with a loud,
and then he would say,
"Let me hear you say it boyz and gurlz.... KILL GOOKS!"
and by now, they would all be in a killing frenzy and they would
all be jumping up and down, eyes bulging, frothing at the mouth, screaming,
"KILL GOOKS! KILL GOOKS, KILL GOOKS"
and then they would just jump up and scatter, helter-skelter in all
directions into the bush, screaming
leaving MR. ROGERS standing there by himself and now having to chase
them all down and re-group for patrol. But, now, they had their minds
A lotta times tho, their ambush deployments didn't work out very
well, cuz MR. ROGERS, getting bored lying there in wait, had a bad
penchant for jumping up and yelling,
"WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD, CHARLIE'"
and he would put that M-16 on rock n' roll and start busting caps,
giving away their position, and scaring off any would be ambushees.
Well, anyway, near the end of the movie, his squad have, themselves
been ambushed, and a furious bloody firefight erupts. His guys are
going down one after the other. Finally he is able to make his way
to the radio and call in for evacuation, and as he is making his way
to a clearing, badly wounded, he staggers right into Lt. Phan Van
Troung, of the Peoples Army of North Vietnam, who is also critically
They stand there, transfixed, and stare at each other in disbelief,
not knowing why the other hasn't wasted them. Time stretches on into
eternity, flies buzz round their heads, yet neither one moves. Mortal
enemies though they may be, they nonetheless have a grudging respect
for each other as warriors.
Finally MR.ROGERS, slowly, ever so slowly, as Lt. Van Troung eyes
him warily, slips his hand into his sweater, and pulls forth a can
of Coca Cola, sparkling bright red in the sweltering Vietnamese sun,
and starts singing, "God bless America", and Lt. Van Troung,
in a moment of recognition, breaks out into a wide toothless grin,
cuz see, those commie bastards didn't have much in the way of good
dental hygiene, and he says,
"Ah, Coca Cola!....Coca Cola Numbah One",
and so they drag themselves to a nearby log where they both sit down
and they share the coke, back and forth while MR. ROGERS explains
the finer nuances of Capitalism, and the Free Market System as they
await a medi-vac.
And this scene ends, with the camera overhead and pulling away, so
that they are becoming smaller and smaller, and shortly, they are
just tiny specks, and then soon, we can no longer see them at all;
there is only the jungle canopy.
And then the voice, again, louder this time
"Mistah Fred, Mistah Fred, Time you go now most ricky-ticky".
and MR.ROGERS face comes back into focus, still staring into the
mirror, and he says,
"OK Phan, I'm coming."
and he straightens his tie and picks up his sweater and walks on
to the set and says,
"Hi boyz and gurls, Welcome to the neighborhood".
There it is.
But then, like so many other ideas, like the Budweiser frogs and
lizards fr'instance, starring in Westside Story, this too,
did not come to pass. Oh well..........
Where Have All th Flags Gone?
Monday, July 31, 2006 5:30 PM
What happened to every one's flags? Do ya remember
in th aftermath of 9/11 when every one had flags? On their cars, in
their yards, on their clothes? Everywhere. There has never been a
better time to be in th flag business. Those will always be remembered
as "th good ol days" for them, cus a lot of peoples made
a fortune in th Patriot Game.
Well, sheeit, it was a good, easy way to measure yer neighbor's sense
of Patriotism, cuz, like, fr'instance, th more flags ya had on yer
car, obviously, th more patriotic ya were. Now, yer run-o-th-mill
Patriots only had one flag, but yer Class 1A Patriots would have,
like four; one fer each window, plus th usual assortment of bumper
stickers and decals. Prolly one outta three cars were festooned with
flags. Did'ja sport a flag on yer vehicle boys and gurls? And, if
so, is it still on there now? And if not, why not? Like, aren't you
But th biggest Patriot I ever saw, was a dude that, and I hate to
use stereotypes, y'know, cuz it jus ain't right, but he appeared to
me to be a "redneck-type" person, and he had a pole mounted
in th bed of his pickup, right behind th cab and had a flag flyin
from it that was about 8 feet long and 5 feet high. He was further
accessorised with plenty of bumper stickers, decals, red, white and
blue eagles, etc. etc. I almost felt like saluting as he roared by.
And speakin of those times, it kinda reminds me, when ya think about
how fleeting celebrity-hood can be! Today we focus on th foibles of
jerks like Mel Gibson, we wonder when we might ever be able to see
Tom and Katy's baby, we are concerned whether Jen is doin OK?
BUT, where is Osama Bin Laden?? Oh sure, he drops a post card every
now and then, but we jus don't hear much bout him any more? I guess
when President Bush told him we were gonna track him down and kill
him, he decided it was time to get outta Dodge, and left without even
finishin his dinner.
Georgie told him, "You can run; but you can't hide dude!"
But apparently, he hides pretty damned good, eh, cuz that was, like,
five years ago. Has th Prez said anything like that lately? I wonder
if O-Dawg knows we're still lookin fer him?
Bug-eyed Mel and his DUI
Monday, July 31, 2006 4:29 PM
It's amusing to read where people are speculating
whether Mel's arrest on a DUI charge and his subsequent anti-Semitic
tirade have doomed his career?
Ha ha. Whut a joke!! Get reel! As much as I hate th asshole myself,
th fact of th matter is that; Mel's career isn't over, til he sez
it's over. I mean, th fuckhead is worth over 850 million bucks! Do
ya reely think peoples are gonna stop goin to his movies jus cus he's
a racist pig? Sheeit. Th dude made some 350 million personally, over
his anti-Semitic "Passion of the Christ", fr'chrissake!
I think a fair and equitable solution to th Mel Gibson Crisis would
be fer th Israeli's, who, as Mel noted, are so adept at starting wars,
to strap his ass to a rocket and launch him into Damascus or Tehran,
dependin on their mood at th time.
Mel "Bug-eyes" Gibson popped for DUI
Monday, July 31, 2006 3:59 AM
|When I heard sanctimonious Mel was busted for drunk driving
again, I let out a loud guffaw of Glee. No kiddin. Th news left me with
a severe case of Extreme Shadenfreude. I've told ya before I dislike
Mel to th point of loathing him. I wish him nothing but th worst. He's
a hypocrite, a phony and a bigot. Fuck Mel Gibson!
"Whose broad stripes and bright stars......."
Monday, July 31, 2006 1:58 AM
My friend Ms Kara pointed out th irony that th "proper
way" to deal with a flag that has touched th ground is to burn
it. Ha ha. Is it not insane that one should burn a flag that has been
tainted by contact with the ground? haha. You see, it has been polluted
so badly that now, it must be destroyed. By burning it!! Only Fire
can cleanse it of that Horror. It's jus too crazy!
Many years ago, back in th 60s, in my hippie days I had a large
amerikan flag that was 20 feet long and 12 ft high. It was a huge
flag, you unnerstan, and I was quite the patriot. As a matter of fact,
I used it as a rug in my trippin room, whose walls and
ceiling were covered by sheets of shimmering mylar. I spent many hours
sittin on that flag discussing our counrty's involvement in a long,
drawn out protracted war, whose meaning made no sense to us. And,
here we are again, eh!
But, seriously tho, I think burning issues such as this, along with
th monumental problem of immigration and the single biggest threat
we face today as a Nation; namely, gay marriage, help us all really.
Cuz they take our feeble minds off the unpleasant aspects of life
in amerikka. War. What wars? Poverty? Education? Erosion of civil
rights? Terrorism? And blah, blah, blah ad nauseum.
Like, who cares bout that kinda stuff when th Sanctity and Integrity
of our country is threatened by illegals, flag desecraters and gay
peoples! We are all willing to view th world thru our rose-tinted
glasses, instead of th monkey-shit brown ones of Reality.
Myself, I'm really concerned about Willie Roafs retirement, and what
it portends for our Chiefs this year?! That's what keeps me awake,
tossin and turnin all nite.
P.S. I suspect that hundreds of years from now, when th history books
are written covering, "The Rise and Fall of the United States
of America", they will cite th four Major Causes of our downfall;
Illegal Immigration, Removal of Prayer in the Classroom, Flag Desecraters,
and Gay Marriage. Jus wait and see!
"Oh say, can you see......."
Sunday, July 30, 2006 10:11 PM
For folks who are interested in passing a Constitutional
Amendment banning desecration of th flag, there are several interesting
and thought provoking questions in Doonesbury today.
As he points out, first of all, we'd have to figure out just what
we're criminalizing? Fr'instance, would it be a crime to destroy a
Which flags are covered? Do past US flags count? Can one desecrate
a 49 star flag? 48? What about a 13 star flag?
How bout hanging a flag upside down? What about backwards?
Is a flag tattoo desecration?
A flag patch on th seat of your pants?
What about a sweat stained cowboy shirt?
As he sez,
"All GREAT questions for the Supreme Court to debate-----ONE
AT A TIME!! WHAT could be more important?"
As usual, there are no easy answers, eh?
Th Flakester Carries On
Thursday, July 27, 2006 4:46 PM
So, I understand professional Protester, Cindy Sheehan
has bought a 5-acre lot down in Crawford, Texas, near Bush's ranch.
She sez she was able to purchase this plot using insurance money from
her son's death. I personally would bet there's more to that than
meets th eye, but, thas jus my opinion, cuz when her handlers pull
th strings, she bounces around like th puppet she is. If they told
her to bark like a dog, she'd be runnin around goin, "ARF! ARF!
ARF!" all day long.
About her purchase, Cindy said,
"I can't think of a better way to use Casey's insurance money
than for peace and I'm sure Casey approves."
See, this is what pisses me off about her. That part where she sez
she's sure Casey approves. What fucking bullshit. Why in the world
would he approve of her shamelessly invoking his name to further her
I mean, her son was not a Pacifist. Th man was a Professional Soldier.
He Volunteered to join th Army! He chose to serve his country in th
Armed Services, knowing full well what that entailed. And after serving
his tour of duty; what did he do then? Well, sheeit ese, he re-enlisted
fr'chrissake!!! These are not th actions of a man who had any kind
of doubts about what, and why, he was doing what he was doing!!
I can't believe for a second that he would approve of her using his
death to advance her own agenda. And for her to insinuate he would
have approved, further demonstrates to me that SHE'S AS FULL OF SHIT
AS I THOUGHT SHE WAS.
Another good Herman
Thursday, July 27, 2006 3:51 PM
This from my friend Tommy D. outta Houston, Texas.
See, and you thought all Texans were a bunch of Yahoos! Well, truth
be known, most of em are, but there are exceptions, obviously.
Sometimes known as, "Babe".
Kudos on that one!
Lost Hermans of the World
Thursday, July 27, 2006 2:51 PM
OK, OK, according to th input I've received, it seems
that there are more Hermans than th ones I mentioned.
Fr'instance, as my man. Unc, pointed out, there is a double Herman,
that is, a Herman Herman. Whew! Whut a tag to lay on yer kid, eh!
I'm told by th Sally Gurl, that there is a Herman who runs a body
shop, and a Herman professor.
And my friend, Ms Juliie, th Devine, hipped me to one that should
occur to anyone interested n Hermans; Herman Munster, a truly notable
I still haven't heard of any Hermans from Vermont or Delaware tho.
Do they exist? I dunno. We can only keep searchin I spose.
Herman Edwards, Coach
Thursday, July 27, 2006 1:35 AM
"Herman", thas a kinda unusual name, isn't
it? Not many guyz around named Herman. Like, have ya ever known any
one named Herman, from Vermont? Prolly not, huh! See whut I mean.
There's not a lotta dudes around by that name.
So, we got ourselves a Herman here in Cowtown, but, whut other Hermans
can ya think of? OK, we got yer Herman Melville, Herman Hesse. Herman
Wouk, all authors. And then, we got yer Herman and th Hermits. Oh
sheeit, whut unpleasant memories that name dregs up. If I hear bout
Mrs, Brown's luvely daughter one more time, Gulp! I'm gonna be doin
some serious projectile vomiting, so if ya play that song around me;
Aw'right, I guess that bout does it with th Hermans, eh! Was anyone
else ever named Herman?
Oh wait....can we count Hermann Goering. Now, he was a famous Herman,
ya dig! But, a Herman with two n's. Does that count I wonder? With
th two n's and all?
Ah well, fuck th nit-pickin; et's jus go ahead and count him too.
Now this Hermann wasn't such a good fellow tho. Nah, ya wouldn't have
wanted him over fer yer dinner guest. Terrible table manners. A real
By th way, speakin of Hermann, did'ja know he said in an interview
he gave during th Nuremberg Trial, that although,
"the people don't want war, they can always be brought to the
bidding of their leaders."
This is precisely what he said about that.
Now pay attention here boyz and gurlz and see if this rings any bells?
"Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the
leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always a
simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a Democracy, a
Fascist dictatorship, or a Parliament, or a Communist dictatorship.
Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding
of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they
are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism,
and exposing the country to greater danger."
-- Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials
Bands From The Past Whose Music Characterised Their Times.
Thursday, July 27, 2006 12:30 AM
Calvin & the Kool-aids
Herbie and the Depressionistics
Frankie Delano & the Roosevelts
Big Harry & the Atomics
D.D. Ike & the Do-Nothings
Big Bad Jack & the Assassinators
LB & His Baby-Killerz
Tricky Dicky & the Tricksters
Jerry & the Stumblers
Jimmy & the Bumblers
Ronnie & the Deth Ray-Gunz
Texas George & the Oilers
Big Bill & the Slurpers, with his back-up group, th Ho's
Georgie-Porgie & the Bushwhackers
I wonder what kinda music we're gonna
hear next? Mebbe, "white noise"?